Dear God, RIGHT NOW……At this point in my life I feel like a new man, like you have given me another chance. Why have you done this for little ol’ me? All the times I have turned my back on you and sinned even when I knew better, you forgave me. Lord, All the times I have second guessed myself and you, yet you showed me the path I should take. Even through my darkest and hardest moments, where I cursed your name and blamed you for everything that was going wrong. Your shoulder was the one I was crying on, and didn’t even know it. I know…I know… there are more deserving people than I. But because I took this leap of faith and service, I believe you have given me this amazing gift. Lord, I can’t thank you enough for everyone I have met so far on this short journey we call “life”. Lord, from this moment on…No more sinning, no more second guessing, but I will still cry on your shoulder when I need it. I love you Lord. Your disciple, Roman Dear God’s children, This mission has been a life changing experience. I feel like a new man. I can’t explain what has happened, but in the past few days something has changed within me. I feel different! And upon receiving an email from a friend in Jamaica yesterday, it reminded me of an experience I had at Laurel Ridge almost two years ago which I will tell you about.
This story goes back and forth on the timeline so try to keep up.
Laurel Ridge Moravian Camp, Conference, and Retreat Center
Senior High Camp, Summer 2007 Thursday July 17th 12:00pm It was a hot summer Thursday in Mid July, and I was signed up to mow the dam after lunch (which I enjoy.) While cleaning up in the kitchen after the mid day meal, Manager Anne Cole came into the kitchen and asked who could lead a caving trip. This is a trip that I love to lead. When I was a first time camper at Laurel Ridge in 2002, M-Staff Manager O’Neil Clark took us to the caves. It was an awesome trip. What makes it so great is that only twelve people can go and it gives you a deeper bond with those other 11 people that make the journey with you. So I got the opportunity to lead this trip and maybe provide a fond memory like the ones I hold of my first spelunking trip. So during a normal trip to the cave the van usually leaves from in front of the dining hall at 1:30pm and gets back to camp around 5:30pm. But I felt this was going to be no ordinary trip. Because:
Wednesday July 16th 10:00pm the previous night the Bishop Sam Gray was doing campfire vespers and was talking about the word “Calling.” This word caught my ear because every year since my first summer on the mountain I would leave thinking that youth ministry was what I was supposed to be doing (combined with music, of course.) So that night before I went to sleep I prayed a good long prayer asking God for some kind of sign. If youth Ministry was what I was supposed to be doing, I wanted Him to show me! This is where my past comes into play. I felt that because of all the big mistakes and many doubts in my past, I would be hypocritical if I was to tell people they were in the wrong. Not to mention my renewed, young, but growing, personal relationship with Christ. So again I asked God to just show me some kind of sign.
Thursday July 17th 7:50am Early though it was, my alarm clock went off notifying me of the time for optional morning prayers. Morning prayers are only offered at senior high camp. Everyday I had planned on getting up and going but I had not made it to one yet. I roll out of bed and made it to morning prayers just in time to get a nice cup of coco-coffee. Once everyone was there and together on the porch of the dining hall we started. Dusty Harrison was to read the daily text for this Thursday morning. Once he read it I honestly wished I had stayed in bed. Then he continued to go on and say that he wanted to share something else with us. So he shared another text with us and proposed that we should not let our past interfere with the future of our lives in serving God’s Kingdom. He also touched on prayer, and how hard it is to start the great dialogue between God and ourselves. He told us that before he starts to pray, he clears his thoughts and just start praying. I felt like he had read my mind! Immediately I was glad that I came but afterwards I prayed asking “God, this must be mere coincidence. Surely the sign you would send would be bigger.” The whole morning I was very peppy, watching and waiting to see if God would show me a bigger sign to reinforce morning prayers.
Thursday July 17th 1:30pm So the van was ready to go and we only had about 8 people signed up to go so we waited a few minutes and called out to a few people to see if anyone else wanted to go. One of these additions we called out to was Maxine Panther, who was an exchange counselor from Jamaica. Along with Her husband, Aaron Panther, who was already on the van and insisted that she wanted to go. So we all forced her to go grab a pair of closed toe shoes and come with us. She caved in and joined the expedition (no pun intended.) Once all the willing participants were on board we set out, 15 minutes late, on our journey to Roberts Cave. Once being on the road for about 10 minutes (Just past Laurel Springs) a wasp came in the window and stung my front seat passenger. She was not sure if she was allergic or not so we turned around and headed back to camp. We proceeded directly to the nurses’ station and dropped her off. Everyone was sad that she would not be able to go but insisted they did not want to cancel the trip. So once again we set off on our journey, now 35 minutes late. This meant that they would not get to spend as much time exploring all the little caverns in the cave. Throughout the duration of the van ride to Robert’s cave Maxine continued to teach the youth some worship songs they sing in Jamaica as she had done the previous night at the talent show. One of the songs reads as follows: It is raining, all around me, I can feel it, it’s a lot of rain. Shine on Jesus, please send more rain. Until we are wet, until we are soaked, in a lot of rain. Once we were there, and helmets and lights checked out, we were on our way. From parking the van, it was about 1500 feet or so through some dense woods on a narrow beaten path. This was easy because the sun was blaring and the path was smooth. Once entering the initial mouth of the cave headlamps and flashlight would be needed to continue on. The entrance to the cave is a small hole that leads to a 50 degree angle down a twenty foot rocky hill. This is good for foot plantings and hand grips. So…after exploring as much of the cave as we could allow time for, we culminated the trip like every caving trip I have been on since going to laurel Ridge. We climb us to a large open cavern where the magnificent ceiling is 75 feet high and the acoustics are just right for singing. There are rocks that are made just right for sitting. Of course God knew we would come, so he gave us a place to sit and sing. Once our assembled community of explorers were up and settled, I requested they cut off their lanterns and that we had time for about six or seven songs. So after listening to indecisive but confident voices of the young and old alike, I thought to myself how awesome is this place God created? In that place anyone could sing to their hearts content without having to worry about what other people think. After the last song the leader of the group usually leads in a prayer. My mind raced to what Dusty had said that very same morning. “Just clear your thoughts, and pray from the heart!” Well that was exactly what I did. It went something like this: Dear Heavenly Father, We want to thank you for the opportunity to come and enjoy your beauty in this way. Lord everyone in this cavern is currently treading the same path. But after leaving this cave Lord there are different choices to be had. We know that our path is not always straight, just like this cave. Sometimes you pull, push, or nudge us in the directions we need to go. We know that there are obstacles in our path, like the boulders of this cave. With your help Lord, we can get around them. And Lord, as we sit here with our lights off, we wave our hand in front of our eyes and cannot see it. But it’s there. In the same way Lord, we cannot see you, but we know you are here. Lord, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Although there will be times where we are not walking directly to the light. But may we never lose the ability to see that light. Lord we just ask that you be with us every step of our journey on whatever path you have us on. In Jesus name we pray, Amen. I had no Idea what was going on around me. I was just letting the words of my heart color the canvas of prayer. There was not a dry eye in that cavern. By the time I fully understood what I had said I was in tears. It was indescribable in words, the feelings we felt. God was truly present with us in that place. After singing one more song “Rain,” we cut our lights back on and proceeded to have a mud fight. That cavern is usually where the mud starts flying because it is so moist and loose. As we headed back to the mouth of the cave, I got a few more mud hand prints on my face, back, and in my hair and an ear full of everyone’s favorite new song “Rain”. All of which did not prepare me for what was to happen next. As we approached the mouth of the cave I heard a small trickle of water which notified me that it had been raining a little. I told them to climb out and wait at the top and once we were out we would walk back to the van. Well once we were all out of the cave the rain started to get a little harder and harder, until it was coming down in sheets. We all started running back to the van, and all the while screaming the lyrics to the song “Rain.” After a revelation, I realized that this was my sign. As I ran though the lush green forest, getting drenched by a nice cool rain, I laughed so hard that I was crying and then crying so hard I was laughing. By the time we were all back to the van and I had the keys out, everyone, including myself, was now clean. Clean of all the mud that had accumulated on our clothes, arms, faces, legs and in my case, my conscience. All I had to do was ask for it, and pray hard enough. Then God answered my prayer. I told God everything he already knew, but saying it out loud lifted “blocks” off my chest that I had been struggling to get out from under. God forgave me that day because I asked for it. I forgave myself, as God did, but I could not forget. This dragged me off the path that God intended, or so I may have thought. When I came to Puerto Limon, Costa Rica I was allowed to get away from problems I forgot that I needed to forget. When I left those “blocks” with God that day outside Robert’s cave, that’s where they should have stayed. But…right here…right now. As God and my readers are my witnesses I forgive myself again. But this time I am not just giving Him parts of me I do not like. I am giving him everything! Everything I was, everything I am, and everything he will have me be. You’re Missionary, Roman Daniel Brady
